Notes from Perry Street: ‘Hey Google’ collides with Gemini

By JOHN A. WINTERS, Publisher

“Never mind, Jim and I figured it out,”

“That’s great hon,” I replied. “Wait, what?”

“‘Jim and I figured it out.”

Okay, so at this point, I got out of my chair to see who Jim was and why he was in my house. Oh, and also what in the heck he was helping Corby with.

“So where is this Jim,” I ask.

And the Little Black Dress looks at me like I am some kind of crackpot who needs to be in one of those homes for, well, crackpots.

“Gemini!!’” she says, pointing at her phone.

Oh yeah, Gemini, the guest who just installed itself on my phone and won’t go away. For you precious snowflakes who believe Apple is all that and a bag of chips, Gemini is the new and very NOT improved Android version of Siri.

I was very happy with my “Hey Google” voice before – a sexy Australian female. Called her Danielle, and I would press a button and she’d tell me good morning in her little Australian accent and then tell me what all I had going on that day.

Now we have Hal 2000 from the Space Odyssey. Can we change the voice? No. In fact, Jim or Gemini or whoever made it very clear … that would be a NO!

And Jim is sort of an idiot at times, such as: “Hey Google, call Corby.” Lots of twirling going on inside my phone and then I get the Data voice saying, “Do you want me to call Corby?” So I have to say “yes,” or it won’t call Corby. And then it (Jim/Gemini) proudly says, “Calling Corby.”

LIke it should get a participation trophy or something.

Another major headache – in the past, I would ask Danielle a question and she would find whatever I needed and say, again in that cool Australian accent, “here’s what I found.” And then I would see various options and choose one and read it.

But not Gemini. No, Gemini will go find the answer to my question and then read it to me in the horrible Hal 2000 computer voice.

For example, I wanted to know if penguins have knees. They do, which you probably didn’t know, but let’s see what The Dork says.

“Yes, penguins have knees, but they are hidden inside their bodies by feathers, giving them a short-legged appearance.”

Which is kind of like asking if humans have knees because they are hidden by long pants. “Yes, humans have knees,” according to Jim/Gemini/Hal, who does not elaborate.

Apparently, there might be a way to change the voice. Working on that. Stay tuned.

Until next time.