Notes From Perry Street: Holidays, Families and Working Around Life

Pictured above (clockwise from left to right) – Corby and John Winters at Christmas 1993; Corby’s Dad, Dr. Milton O. Carlin and Santa; and Corby and Natalie Bacho.

By CORBY CARLIN WINTERS, Winters Media & Publishing

The holidays can be fun and exciting, but they can also be crazy, hectic and stressful.

For some, it is a sad and lonely time for those who have lost loved ones or are dealing with broken relationships. Holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, can be full of joy and happiness, or grief and loss. 

As many of you know, my education is in counseling. I have also been in full-time ministry and am a Life Coach. During the holiday season I have seen just about every emotion from my clients, church members and my own family.

During this holiday season, it is okay to say you are not okay. Sometimes we need to take time for ourselves, and that may include taking a break from social media. Some of those sites highlight this utopia that other families have. In truth, they create unrealistic standards no one can meet.

It is also important to keep things in perspective. My dear friend Carol taught me that year ago. The question is just how big is this problem on a scale of 1-10. If it is a lower number, then just let it go. Her point was to determine what was really important, what was worth fighting for in the whole scheme of things. In the midst of it all she chose joy. This powerful advice came from a woman whose 22-year-old daughter, and my dear friend, was kidnapped and murdered. 

It is okay to show ourselves as much grace as we should show to others. Sometimes we need to cry and other times call a friend for moral support or a laugh. Sometimes we need to create new memories and new traditions and sometimes celebrate the old ones. 

My mom passed away in June 2009 and a year later my dad died two weeks before Thanksgiving. The only time the family could all get together was the week of Thanksgiving 2010 in Tulsa, Oklahoma.  While most of America was preparing their stuffing and turkey,  I was making flower arrangements to place at the altar and we were writing Daddy’s obituary, wondering if we should include that he died of dementia-related illnesses.  

Sometimes we have to work around life. 

Winters, The SONSs, extended family and friends gathered to celebrate the life of Dr. Milton O. Carlin that Thanksgiving eve. We laughed, we cried. I served candy circus peanuts and black liquorice and peppermints, which were all his favorites. 

The SONs, who were very young at the time, had a marvelous time. We stayed at the Embassy Suites and every morning we ate omelets at this huge buffet and the SONs swam with friends and family. They said it was their favorite vacation ever. 

I know that would make my dad very happy.

Later that evening, the family got together at a place called the Sushi Train. You sat at long oval tables and a toy train carrying various dishes would come by on an oval truck and you grabbed what dish you wanted. It was like a scene out of Seinfeld.  That day we chose joy, love and happiness with grief scattered around.

My faith and hope grew much stronger the Christmas of 2012, all due to one family who showed  indescribable faith through their loss. The Bacho family and their three daughters had gone skating then to mass and were out enjoying the Christmas lights when a truck ran through a red light and hit their van. 

It was three days before Christmas. Natalie’s husband Stephen and their daughter Abby were airlifted to Atlanta. Stephen was in an induced coma for four weeks. On Christmas Day Abby’s organs were donated so others could live. 

In her honor, the family has created Abby’s Angels Foundation, which does a multitude of things, including teen driving schools and providing “Abby’s Closets” at every school in Coweta County where students can get free school supplies. 

We rarely ever really know what any individual or family is experiencing during the holidays. But this holiday season, whatever your circumstances, I wish you much love, joy, peace, gentleness, forgiveness, hope, grace, and kindness. You can soak it all in and also pour out to others.