The Journey: Dealing with your kids’ next stage in life
By SAMANTHA BRAZIE, Special to The Paper
Happy Summer, Paper readers! By the time you read this, the season will only be a few weeks in but we’ll feel like it’s almost over as we have a couple of weeks before the grind of school and community events rev up again. This year is halfway complete and it feels like it just began. We are dealing with a lot these days and things just seem to pile on top of each other.
Every May I have friends with kids graduating high school and/or many move out for their next stage of school and further adventures. As I watch the stages of pride, anxiety, sadness and ultimately resilience we go through as parents, it brings me back to when my oldest daughter moved out and the feeling of overwhelming grief I had. Seriously – how dramatic – it was like she died. That’s the only way I can describe it. I cried and cried … cried myself to sleep, cried in the car, cried in the shower – it was horrible.
And friends – normally if I cry it means I’m over-the-top mad and the room should probably clear out if it isn’t already because Samantha starts talking about herself in the third person and it isn’t a pretty picture. So, this sort of grief was unique to me. I felt silly about it, so I was really good about shaming myself and telling myself that there were plenty of parents that didn’t get to see their kids grow up with the amount of happiness my daughter had inside of her and I should just stop it and be happy. But – I am here to tell you that you should not feel bad about how you feel. The only way we truly understand is to feel it all the way through and reflect once we’ve gotten on the other side.
This year, my baby boy is ready to move away. He wants to work in the trades (which I fully support) and has a plan which we have discussed in depth. He is quite the impressive young man in many ways – but relating to this area, how much thought he has put into the many details required to get out on your own has impressed me.
As the discussions have ramped up over the last month, I find myself trying to suppress my feelings again. I keep reminding myself of how when he was a little boy he would tell me how much he loved me, but asked me if I would be ok when he moves out because he wanted to travel and be independent. His heart and soul knew what it wanted long ago.
Gosh it’s been heart wrenching for me. I just don’t want to let him go. But I know that I need to support him, be positive and open so he knows that I will always be here to celebrate his wins and losses and that he will know that he can come to me every day of his life for anything he wants to. And I need to feel it. Deep, deep down … no matter how much it hurts.
So parents, if you are going through something similar – know you’re not alone. It’s ok to be happy and sad. Just no matter what – keep moving forward and make sure your babies know you are there for them, unconditionally. Because you will be, whether you agree with the direction they’re going with in life or not. They – and you – are just starting a new chapter in their Journey.
“If something makes you sad at the end, it must’ve been pretty wonderful when it was happening.” – William, This Is Us.
Questions? Comments? Email me at [email protected].
