Senior Living Advice: Getting through the holidays missing loved ones
By BETH DOW, Home Helpers of GA & AL
This is not how my December/Christmas column began, but I truly feel that if something is weighing heavily on my heart there is a good chance that someone else is feeling the same weight.
So, this holiday season – to everyone who is going through this Christmas without someone they love – I understand. I know how hard it is.
I, too, see all the Facebook pictures of the joyous families celebrating. The families with multiple generations, extended families – big, wonderful families.
And, I too, know what it feels like to have holiday pictures without parents and siblings. I have friends whose holiday pictures are missing children and grandchildren.
When you have lost a loved one, everyday is hard. But the business of life can push you through it. During the holidays the loss seems to hang. There seems to be more situations that prick the memory of times lost.
Loss comes in many shapes and sizes. But the volume, the weight of the loss, can only truly be felt by the person carrying it. Please do not try to place a value to that loss.
A person who has lost a pet can feel the same depth of loss as someone who has lost a parent. A person who has a loved one – though still alive but riddled with Dementia or Alzheimer’s – can feel the pain of loss just as someone who has lost a loved one to death. A person who is experiencing the loss of a relationship – a relationship that represented hope and a future that is now no more – is experiencing a loss that is even more unbearable. Because of the holidays and the start of a new year, that will once again begin with them being alone.
As I write today, I want you to know that if you are experiencing loss you are not alone. There are many of us who understand, who are feeling it, and we see you.
To those who thankfully are not struggling with the strong feelings of loss this season, please understand that there are a lot of us who are struggling out here. So if we are not as “festive” as you think we should be, please don’t ask us to “snap out it”. Please don’t say “it was only a pet”, “at least she is still alive”, or “there will be other relationships.”
If we call or text, please answer. In many cases we need to be around people. We don’t always want or need to “talk about it.” We just need to be with people. It helps. It can also be hard to be around people. If you are struggling, you may need to force yourself. We were not born to live in solitude. Being with others helps. Studies prove that those who are actively social are healthier – physically, mentally and emotionally.
This holiday season in the mist of all the hustle and bustle, make time to be with others. Christmas can be joyous and hard, but if you can do it with people around it can be brighter. I wish for everyone a very Merry Christmas and holiday season.
Beth Dow is a Dementia and Alzheimer’s Educator, CAEd and Geriatric Care Manager. She is also the owner of Home Helpers of GA & AL in Newnan. Readers can contact her by email at [email protected].
