Front Porch Stories: Sometimes it’s best to say nothing at all

By KATHY BOHANNON, Special to The Weekly

I had a moment, y’all. It was unlike anything I’d experienced within a Bible study, yet here we are.

I went to Bible Study, excited to spend an hour or so with some sisters-in-Christ. On this particular Wednesday, I was introduced to a new member of our group. This would be her second visit I believe, and I welcomed her with open arms. She shared a little bit about herself and said she is new to the community.

We have several women in our study who are very familiar with scripture. They can quote scripture. They can reference books and verses with ease. I love that and while I’m most likely never going to be able to do that, I am blessed to be associated with those who can.

One particular friend shared her thoughts on forgiveness. Her thoughts were passionate, intense even, but also factual, based on scripture that she referenced. The new member of the group did something I’ve never seen in a “safe” place such as a Bible study. So as not to gossip here, I’ll just say that her approach was a constant barrage of put-downs towards her that went on and on.

I had nothing to offer but anger, which I didn’t want to express right then and there. I wanted to respond in a Biblical way, but there was so much more needed than what I could come up with at the time.

Over the next several nights I didn’t sleep well at all. It’s not like me to not try to stop a confrontation, a bully or any kind of pain or verbal abuse put on to another. But the environment needed to be met with calmness, love and respect, and I didn’t have any of that at the moment. The enemy was clearly working on at least one of us, and he sure wasn’t going to get any footing with me.

The next week after much prayer, I attended Bible Study armed with scripture. I was ready, and I fully intended to speak directly, but only with scripture that would teach us all how to handle confrontation. But the new member had already moved on, saying that the group was not a fit for her. I have to agree, and I honestly hope she finds one that is.

And then there was James. The book of James, New Testament, 3:13-18, to be exact. The scriptures here instruct us in good conduct and wisdom from above. Wisdom that is “first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.”

Though I’m sure I have read this scripture before, it has become more impactful having experienced such a situation. I realize now saying nothing at the moment was the correct thing to do, as I would have offered no peace, gentleness, yielding, mercy and so on. I also realize the person who lashed out surely has some pain of her own, and that is something I can pray about for her.

People get “church hurt” by things others do. They take that hurt as an excuse to separate from the church family. I’m thankful that I didn’t add to whatever “church hurt” this person was experiencing.

Whatever circumstances we are in, we all need prayer. I’m thankful for the guidance of the book of James and the confirmation of how to manage oneself in such a circumstance.

Kathy Bohannon can be reached at [email protected].